Tear Drop

Today, it was the wind

That was your messenger

I put my hand

Out the window

And it sieved through

Frolicking around your ring

Then a moment approached

When subtly; very vaguely, it

Squeezed my hand and let go

A gentle reminder really

Of your being there

I closed my eyes

And inhaled your presence

And very gently the wind,

You, caressed my cheek

Whispering sweet nothings 

Into my ears.

For a second forces met

Forces changed

And with the gale

You were gone yet again

Leaving me alone once more

But not bereft

A smile formed on my lips

A slightly sceptic one,

But a smile nonetheless.

A smile that still believed

Believed that you exist.

Now, I raise my face

To the sky

And meet you

Eye to eye,

I open my arms for you

And you rain all over me

Your first drop

Meets my first tear

And that is how

We commune and cry...

Writings in Blood

I turned back the pages,
And was left aghast
By the pain that was wrought
All over the pristine paper.


Was that blood mine? 
That which dripped onto this page
Through the nib of my pen.
Or of those who are mine? 


These words that scream
The hidden truths,
The loss, the agony.
Is this voice my own,
Or of those who are mine?


These histories,
They are not golden.
They glow with the red 
Of hysteria, of Hell.


And my poor soul writhes
When I turn back the pages
Repeatedly, I churn my poor soul
In the black shadows
Of angst, of denial, of abuse.


The angst, the denial, the abuse
That even I know not -
Are mine 
Or of those who are mine.

It's been forever since I went there. Our magical spot, where we would see those millions and billions of shining stars that tweak our destiny, here and there. This Valentine's Day, I decided to drive out there and gaze at those twinkling gems. More than that I hoped that one of those gems was you, still lighting up my life in that special way of yours.


And for the first time, as I stood there gazing up and trying to get a good connection set up with you, did I perfectly understand what you meant, each time you suddenly decided to drive all the way out here. Each and every time you parked in this safe haven of emptiness and looked at the abundant sky. Each and every time that you turned away from that lit up midnight miracle, to gaze into my eyes with that profound meaning in yours. I understand now, why you said each and every time we did this -


"It makes perfect sense to drive out of town, every once-in-a-while, to see the stars shining down upon us..."

OH MAN!!!!

There were around twelve thousand of them on bikes carrying the saffron flags to hide their mischief behind. Together they chorused, "JAI SHREE RAM", "JAI SHREE RAM"

Upstairs, in a shadowed room a voice groaned. Pulling the sheets off his face, Ram rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Hair all tousled, he looked like a disgruntled angle.

"JAI SHREE RAM!"

He groaned again. "Oh Man! Not again."

Jumping out of bed he pulled out his rucksack and started stuffing things in it haphazardly with one hand, while he speed dialed Rahim with his other hand.

"Hey, wassup?" answered a velvety voice from the other side.

"How do you feel about a spot of vacation?" Ram asked.

"Something up?" Rahim queried.

"Nope just some thousand of my so called followers shouting slogans and heading towards the area of your so called followers. Get the picture?"

"Oh Man!" exclaimed Rahim," Again! I still haven't recovered from the havoc they created in our name last time. Damn it, how they make us wanna curse and swear."

Now that he knew the reason for Ram's frustration, he let his own frustration be heard loud and clear on the phone. You could almost see him sighing and shaking his head from side to side in disappointment.

"Whose idea was it to create these idiots anyway?"

"I think it was Jesus's daddy, wasn't it?"

They both groaned again. But then Ram visibly fought his anger and smiling slightly he said,"Chill yaar, time for some R and R, i say. Get the pun," pride evident in his voice.

Rahim groaned, "For your sake! Stop with your poor jokes already. I'll come with you only on the condition that you won't crack a single joke the entire trip. What did you have in mind, huh?"

"Hmm....I've been thinking about 127 hours in the Grand Canyon, what say?"

"Alright, see you there in an hour around. And while you are at it ask Jesus if he wants to join us as well?" And Rahim cut the call.

Still packing, Ram called up Jesus. "Hey there, are you up for a short break at the Canyons?"

"Oh Man! You mean they are doing it again?" said Jesus from the other end 

Pain is all I have
Pain is all I feel
Will you...
Share it with me

Pain is all I got
Pain is all I see
Will you...
Bear it with me

Breathless!!
Chest heaving.
World!!
Is receding.

I asked
For your help
I asked
For your gospel.

You handed me
Nectar
You waved me
Goodbye.

Senseless!!
I lay at your feet.
Lifeless!!
I'm finally free.

Rules Of The Game

It whizzed past your ear
The surprised look on your face
Pure priceless.
You had thought
I didn't know the rules
And all the while I was
The one playing you instead.

I just stood at one spot
Waiting for you

To send everything my way.

While I made you run
On my whims and fancies

All over that court

And across as well.

You didn't give it your all
Scared you'll hurt me
Maybe even scar my feelings.
I let you have your way
A drop here, a miss there
'Cus it felt nice to know
That's how much you cared.


And so it became
A new game altogether
A game that was all mine
The power of it enthralled
For I was the one making
The rules of this game
And it felt almost divine.


Yet there was a lost charm
For I never was the one
To fool someone for long.
The thrill for me 
Is always in the victory
Of beating someone
Who is my equal in all.


You look at me uncertain
You give me all you got
I know you wish
That I'd take it
And allow you to play
All those moves you've been
Holding back on for so long.


In a split second
I send it sailing back at you
In tandem we move now.
We take it up a notch
And turn it into a heady waltz
Knowing all too well
That the rules of the game
Are yet to be formed.

DASTAAN...

Prologue


She always wondered why they had named her Dastaan. After all it was a very unusual name. So what was the Dastaan behind her name then?


And that night while the storm raged outside and they sat all cozy inside, she looked up to see her Dad smiling at her in the way that was reserved only for her. The smile that said 'you make my world beautiful'. And suddenly she asked, "Why did you name me Dastaan?" 


They looked at her, a bit puzzled.


"I mean I love my name. But why Dastaan?"


She listened to them trying to explain, blubbering and disoriented at first. Calling her a story, a tale, a saga etc. And then they got into the flow  and told her about -


The Dastaan that was their life. A Dastaan they lived. Their own Dastaan.

CHAPTER - 3

As she heard them talk, she could see it all happening in her mind's eye. That was the way she imagined it happened anyhow.


She imagined the astonishment on her Dad's face when on their first meeting her Mum, a complete stranger to him then, leapt into his arms sobbing. She could imagine her Mum clinging harder to him with each thunderbolt and Dad trying to soothe her and falling in love with her. Right then and there.


She could imagine her father, the dream of every romantic woman, wooing her Mum. And her mother, the idea of every man's perfect woman, let herself be courted. She could see the pain on those young faces when they parted and her father went to the war.


She could almost see the destruction that shadowed her Dad's face whenever he thought nobody was looking for years after serving in that infernal war. She remembered those videos from her childhood where her father would be sitting as if frozen til the time he noticed either Mum or her. That's when a smile would light up his face and crease the corner of his eyes as if some of his pain had just dissipated.


She remembered her childhood then. The bed-time stories, the walks with her father to the ice-cream stands, her first day in school while they waited outside the entire while, icing the star shaped cookies she helped her Mum bake, the trips they took together, the sniffles and the fevers, the football matches and the violin concerts. 


She remembered their presence at every important moment of her life and at those too that she had considered not-so-important at the time but valued now. She remembered being the cause for their joy, their smiles, their pride and sometimes worry.


She remembered being the star in their lives and she understood.


She understood the saga and beyond that was all of their lives. She understood her name better. She understood herself better.


She looked at them still enchanted with each other and smiling that smile that was reserved for her. The smile that said 'you make my world beautiful'. She smiled back with the realization that in her lived on their Dastaan...