OH MAN!!!!

There were around twelve thousand of them on bikes carrying the saffron flags to hide their mischief behind. Together they chorused, "JAI SHREE RAM", "JAI SHREE RAM"

Upstairs, in a shadowed room a voice groaned. Pulling the sheets off his face, Ram rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Hair all tousled, he looked like a disgruntled angle.

"JAI SHREE RAM!"

He groaned again. "Oh Man! Not again."

Jumping out of bed he pulled out his rucksack and started stuffing things in it haphazardly with one hand, while he speed dialed Rahim with his other hand.

"Hey, wassup?" answered a velvety voice from the other side.

"How do you feel about a spot of vacation?" Ram asked.

"Something up?" Rahim queried.

"Nope just some thousand of my so called followers shouting slogans and heading towards the area of your so called followers. Get the picture?"

"Oh Man!" exclaimed Rahim," Again! I still haven't recovered from the havoc they created in our name last time. Damn it, how they make us wanna curse and swear."

Now that he knew the reason for Ram's frustration, he let his own frustration be heard loud and clear on the phone. You could almost see him sighing and shaking his head from side to side in disappointment.

"Whose idea was it to create these idiots anyway?"

"I think it was Jesus's daddy, wasn't it?"

They both groaned again. But then Ram visibly fought his anger and smiling slightly he said,"Chill yaar, time for some R and R, i say. Get the pun," pride evident in his voice.

Rahim groaned, "For your sake! Stop with your poor jokes already. I'll come with you only on the condition that you won't crack a single joke the entire trip. What did you have in mind, huh?"

"Hmm....I've been thinking about 127 hours in the Grand Canyon, what say?"

"Alright, see you there in an hour around. And while you are at it ask Jesus if he wants to join us as well?" And Rahim cut the call.

Still packing, Ram called up Jesus. "Hey there, are you up for a short break at the Canyons?"

"Oh Man! You mean they are doing it again?" said Jesus from the other end 

Pain is all I have
Pain is all I feel
Will you...
Share it with me

Pain is all I got
Pain is all I see
Will you...
Bear it with me

Breathless!!
Chest heaving.
World!!
Is receding.

I asked
For your help
I asked
For your gospel.

You handed me
Nectar
You waved me
Goodbye.

Senseless!!
I lay at your feet.
Lifeless!!
I'm finally free.

Rules Of The Game

It whizzed past your ear
The surprised look on your face
Pure priceless.
You had thought
I didn't know the rules
And all the while I was
The one playing you instead.

I just stood at one spot
Waiting for you

To send everything my way.

While I made you run
On my whims and fancies

All over that court

And across as well.

You didn't give it your all
Scared you'll hurt me
Maybe even scar my feelings.
I let you have your way
A drop here, a miss there
'Cus it felt nice to know
That's how much you cared.


And so it became
A new game altogether
A game that was all mine
The power of it enthralled
For I was the one making
The rules of this game
And it felt almost divine.


Yet there was a lost charm
For I never was the one
To fool someone for long.
The thrill for me 
Is always in the victory
Of beating someone
Who is my equal in all.


You look at me uncertain
You give me all you got
I know you wish
That I'd take it
And allow you to play
All those moves you've been
Holding back on for so long.


In a split second
I send it sailing back at you
In tandem we move now.
We take it up a notch
And turn it into a heady waltz
Knowing all too well
That the rules of the game
Are yet to be formed.

DASTAAN...

Prologue


She always wondered why they had named her Dastaan. After all it was a very unusual name. So what was the Dastaan behind her name then?


And that night while the storm raged outside and they sat all cozy inside, she looked up to see her Dad smiling at her in the way that was reserved only for her. The smile that said 'you make my world beautiful'. And suddenly she asked, "Why did you name me Dastaan?" 


They looked at her, a bit puzzled.


"I mean I love my name. But why Dastaan?"


She listened to them trying to explain, blubbering and disoriented at first. Calling her a story, a tale, a saga etc. And then they got into the flow  and told her about -


The Dastaan that was their life. A Dastaan they lived. Their own Dastaan.

CHAPTER - 3

As she heard them talk, she could see it all happening in her mind's eye. That was the way she imagined it happened anyhow.


She imagined the astonishment on her Dad's face when on their first meeting her Mum, a complete stranger to him then, leapt into his arms sobbing. She could imagine her Mum clinging harder to him with each thunderbolt and Dad trying to soothe her and falling in love with her. Right then and there.


She could imagine her father, the dream of every romantic woman, wooing her Mum. And her mother, the idea of every man's perfect woman, let herself be courted. She could see the pain on those young faces when they parted and her father went to the war.


She could almost see the destruction that shadowed her Dad's face whenever he thought nobody was looking for years after serving in that infernal war. She remembered those videos from her childhood where her father would be sitting as if frozen til the time he noticed either Mum or her. That's when a smile would light up his face and crease the corner of his eyes as if some of his pain had just dissipated.


She remembered her childhood then. The bed-time stories, the walks with her father to the ice-cream stands, her first day in school while they waited outside the entire while, icing the star shaped cookies she helped her Mum bake, the trips they took together, the sniffles and the fevers, the football matches and the violin concerts. 


She remembered their presence at every important moment of her life and at those too that she had considered not-so-important at the time but valued now. She remembered being the cause for their joy, their smiles, their pride and sometimes worry.


She remembered being the star in their lives and she understood.


She understood the saga and beyond that was all of their lives. She understood her name better. She understood herself better.


She looked at them still enchanted with each other and smiling that smile that was reserved for her. The smile that said 'you make my world beautiful'. She smiled back with the realization that in her lived on their Dastaan... 

DASTAAN...

Prologue

"But why Dastaan?"

She tried to answer that question. The look of puzzlement across her face keeping his gaze hooked onto her. He smiled that amused smile that always complemented that puzzled look. She walked upto him and leaned over him, her gentle lavender fragrance ensnaring his senses.

"A story, a tale. No! More than that, it is many stories linked into one. No, it's more than that! Actually, all of that and something more. Something more profound, mysterious and encompassing. I don't know how to explain," she muttered. The wonder and exasperation giving her voice a smoky quality.

"Maybe, a saga," he offers, smiling.

And a dastaan it was, their life. A dastaan they lived. Their own Dastaan.

Chapter - 2

He had come back on a stormy night.

She was always there for him it seemed. Waiting. Leaping into his arms out of the blue. Holding onto him with all that was true. That one year of courtship, one year of engagement and one year of marriage. He remembered telling her one night when they lay entangled in each other's embrace, " These three years with you have been the true beginning of my dastaan, the story of my life."

"Our dastaan," she had whispered.

And then the war began and brought with it the year of hell. She supported his decision to serve the nation and became his only thread to humanity while he got sucked into that vortex of destruction. On the days when he saw tiny corpses of toddlers lining the streets, it was the thought of her and of the part of them that grew inside her that kept him going. 

He came back broken in so many ways that he was sure he could never be pieced back together.Now that he thought of it that night the storm wasn't half as violent as the rage storming in his soul.  But then she opened the door and while she stood there with the little whimpering bundle in her hands, he knew he'd found the salve for those hurting jagged ends.

She leaped into his arms, her face wet with tears. His shivering and sobbing  angel. Then she moved back and placed his little girl into his arms and murmured, "Dastaan, sweetheart, look it's your daddy."

And Dastaan looked right at her daddy and reaching up pulled at his nose and smiled. A small bruise on his soul healed and he looked up into her eyes and whispered, "Our Dastaan."

DASTAAN...

Prologue

"Dastaan......dastaan," she murmurs again as she unfolds herself from the couch and walks over to the study table where he is sitting, working on his computer. She leans over him, winds her hands around his neck and whispers the word in his ear.


"A story, a tale. No! More than that, it is many stories linked into one. No, it's more than that! Actually, all of that and something more. Something more profound, mysterious and encompassing. I don't know how to explain," she muttered. The wonder and exasperation giving her voice a smoky quality.


"Maybe, a saga," he offers, smiling.


She frowned. "Maybe."


And a dastaan it was, their life. A dastaan they lived. Their own Dastaan.

Chapter-1


They had met on a dark stormy night. 


Now that she thought of that night it seemed something straight out of a movie; a chapter out of a typical romantic novel; a prose out of those poetry that the loveless poets wrote while imagining themselves in love or being loved.


For her part, she had never been the type to believe in all that fantasy that love seemed to entail. A level head over her shoulder and a purpose in her stride, she never had the time to think about fairy tales.


And then that night she ended up in the role of damsel in distress... 


With a flat tyre, a dead cell phone, a lonely road and a looming storm she could have dealt with. Anyday, anytime. No problem at all. What she could not deal with was the thunder. Thunder was the only thing in the whole wide universe that rendered her mute, terrorized and shaking. And thunder was doing it now, driving her crazy with fear. With each peal of thunder she gathered herself closer, shaking and whimpering while the emergency blinkers of the car flashed on and off in incessant rain.


She had no idea how long she sat there huddled in her seat, rocking to and fro like a lost little girl seeking comfort in the motion, but is seemed like forever. Then he pulled up behind her car. It was too dark to see anything clearly. All she saw was a tall, lean form jump out of a Dodge into the curtain of rain and then her attention was diverted to the bolt of lightning that jagged the sky.


With the next clap of thunder, she threw caution out of the window and dashing out of the car she leapt into his arms; a wet, shivering and sobbing stranger.

What I Feel For You...

What I feel for you
I cannot express
For words so intense
Do not exist.
The purity of my love

Is beyond all evil 

I stand here as an equal

Not as friend, nor a rival.
No restrains
No boundaries
No fences drawn
Yet i hold it contained,
Here inside me since dawn.
Because...
What I feel for you
Is raw, Is untamed,
A blessing, A pain,
Is now, Is forever,
Sunshine and rain.
It is the stuff of legends
What myths are made of.
That part of the truth with
Which lores are paved off.
So I command to release
The lightning
The thunder
The fireworks 
The storm
For in the din of it all
In that one fleeting, 
Passing moment
Will echo
What I feel for you.

No hearth calls to me....
It's the hearts that beat
That binds me
Traps me
Snares me
I have no place
That I can call my own
Bricks put together
Are a house to me
Not a home.

A perfect day it was

Til I came back

To the shattered 

Home that was mine

And none of the shards

Would have hurt me so hard

As did the your smirking eyes

When you saw the shock

Make a cruel dash across my face

None of the fragments

Made me bleed and cry out

As did your echoing laughter

When I looked at you

In silent anguish and betrayal

I wish and I hope

But I'm not numb

The pain refuses 

To leave me

Instead it caresses me

Like you did once

Whispering nothings

In the empty space

Where my heart used to

Beat as one with yours once.

"What is that sheen on your face?"
I panic and reach for my face.
Did my mask just betray me?
Did a tear let on
What I wouldn't say?


Wait...
Give me a moment...


I replace my grief
With yet another smile
The mask is back
In its place again

Those Last Few  Days                                   

There Is A Heightening Of Senses

Every Moment Is Followed

By A Nostalgic Pang

Every Second Gets Bound

Into A Memory

Till A Moment Arrives

When The Memories
Leaden Your Heart So
That Time Ceases To Exist
Or You End Up Hoping
That It Will...

DEATH BE MINE...

Death be kind
Seduce me
Let not life
Reduce me
Let us get tangled
In each other
Let us make
Soft, slow love
Let our souls
Get drenched
Let my passions
Be quenched

Together we'll
Reach the zenith
And then once
We are spent
I'll look you
In the eye
With sated
Unseeing gaze
While you gather
Me in your arms
And murmur
Sweet nothings
In my ears

WON'T YOU?

I look at the tiny scrape
Just a scratch on my knee
Tears gathering in my eyes
My lower lip wobbling.

"It hurts!"
"I know, sweetheart"
You gather me in your arms
"There!" you say and
You kiss the pain away.
I see my pain reflected
In your eyes
And it hurts me no more.

Now those same eyes
Look at me vacantly
On the pristine bed you lie
A faraway look in your eye
Lost to the world,
Lost to me.
Aged. Broken. Distant.

"It hurts!"
I offer you my aching heart
"Won't you gather me into your arms?"
"Just once. Just for a moment, Mama!"
"Won't you come back to me?"
"Won't you...
Won't you kiss my pain away?"

DESTROYED...

A tear trickled down
A dream was smashed
Was that your voice?
Or did I just
Scream out in pain?
Called out in vain, yet again
Didn't someone else hear me?
Would anyone be bothered?
Does nobody care anymore?
Or is your voice too smothered?
Silence prevails
I hear no answers.
All I hear are echoes
Of all the innocence lost
I can see it shatter
My bright, protected past.
Left alone
No hearth nor home
Aimlessly I roam
Robbed even of hope
This wasn't my dream
It isn't what I bargained for.
Wasn't this a journey
We had both embarked upon?
Then why is it just me
Bruised, battered and marred.
There you stand ahead of me
Safe and secure on that shore
While here I'm still floundering
And still you ask for more.

Words Shall Follow

People come and people go
What you mean to me
Only I shall know


For even though,
My eyes speak a world
And my words express
When I say I love you
You just silently stare


You don't get my emotion
Yet, here I stand
Devoid of pretences
My soul stripped bare.


I look you in the eye
And I hope you can see
That you alone
Mean the world to me


On the edge
I took the free fall
I search your expressions
And there's nothing at all


I turn my face
Decide to walk away
You cut across my path
My hurt reflected
In your gaze


You hold out your hand
I shake my head
I see a flicker pass
Across your face


I smile at you
Link my arms with yours
We walk in silence
But it is not hollow


For I saw in that moment
That the words shall follow.

RAINBOWS IN THE SUN

Rainbows sparkling in the Sun
Yet shadows persist
Where colours exist
Can't look at 'em
Hues lost to the eye
Darkness so intenese
They turn me blind
Rays so bright
They burn the eye
And the tears that form
Are the drops
That I rain
When I cry
Lost in my pain
All cried out
All dried out
And;
Now the clouds depart
The sun still shines
Look up at the sky
Rainbows sparkling in the Sun.

No Rhyme
No Reason
No Time
No Season
No fiddler's tune
I can emulate
It does not matter
If it's a song
Or just music
Whether a jingle
Or maybe a wolf
For I am
Whistling again!!!

UNIVERSE COMES CALLING

There are days when getting up is just not an option...
Facing the world just does not make sense
And after hours of lying in bed
In careful contemplation
You finally decide
To accept the reality.
You turn over
Pull the covers
Over your head
Determined.
At peace.
Content.
A sigh escapes your lips
And at exactly the same moment
Someone
...
...
...
KNOCKS!!!

THE GRAINS OF MEMORIES

I am like the child
On that distant beach
Holding on tight
To the sand, captured
In the little chubby hands
Trying to hold on
Trying to contain;
Forging a bond
Where none exists,
Anymore.
You are the sand
Escaping through the gaps
Slithering away quicker
Than I can grasp...
I give up
Accept defeat
I let go
Opening my palms
I watch the sand
Carried away by the wind
Swirling in it
As if rejoicing
The freedom, the flight
I watch the sand
Disappointment plays
On my face
I glance down
At the hands
That tried to grasp on
And I see
A few grains of sand
Clinging onto them
I see and I smile
And I raise my hand
In a final goodbye.

The final goodbyes are faced by all
Everyone lets the grains go
In the end those left behind
Hold on strong for
They know all about the
Pains it cause.

Thank you The Perfect Poets Cafe 
I would like to nominate
http://thoughtsnotlost.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/seemingly/

FINE LINE

It's said:
You keep on insisting that someone Loves you
And the idea takes hold of your mind...

It's also said:

There is a very fine line between

Love and Hate...

Well!!!What If...???

The words keep on flowing
You have a way with them
They feel like silk
Hurt like daggers
I feel panic
I feel the pain
I glance down
At another red stain
All the while you stand there
Looking bewildred
Oh so innocent
While I exist in constant fear
For you know so well -
Exactly where the wounds are
Exactly where are the scars
You keep them scraping afresh
You won't let them stay hidden
My heart cries out tears
My eyes cry out blood
Memories blindfold
Terror strangulates
Gasping out my last breath
I whisper my last prayer -
Love me as I stand!
Love me as I am!

Separations have a way

Of coming back to haunt

I need not be in another world

To feel the distance

That brings us together

And tears us apart

So palpable, that i can almost

Touch it

So bitter, that i almost

Taste it

The cold that has replaced

The warmth

The inches that appear

Miles apart

We can both see the cracks

And the facets hidden beneath

But we hide it behind the desire

Trapped in the loveless quagmire

And with each culmination

My heart demands to know -  

Doesn't it make us cowards

Beneath this shade of denial??

And still i smile

And still i continue

Because I'm so scared

Of hurting you.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. then a deafening SILENCE.
But only for a moment...
The doors burst open and there is a flurry of white lab coats and that deadly crash cart.
They plunge a needle in the center of that once proud chest, now lifeless.
The core of his strength. Now Lifeless. They pull out the electric paddles next.
Charge. Clear. Shock... Charge. Clear. Shock... No PULSE.
Just a jerking listless body, A corpse being flung around due to the force of the deadly current.
Again and Again.

EAch time that body convulsed - a collage of memories too get flung on the mind's eye.
Him, his wisdom, his power, his love, his teachings, his laugh and the one time he cried,
his amazing knowledge and the desire to share it, his benevolent smile and his kind eyes. All of that and Him.

They charge the paddles again and hit him. I stand there in a daze.
Is this really happening! I see them mutilate this person I love. I see the brutality and I think. Or do I? I wish. Or do I? What should I wish for? THat he come alive in that battered body and live his life in that shadow of his former self, A life that for him would never be dignified. Do I dare wish that on him?

And I wish - "GOD! Please, please God! Take away his pain. Just that... Just let his pain be over!"
And then that Silence, again.
He took away the pain and He took him away from me as well.
I just stand there, almost senseless, trying to comprehend it all and hiding myself  from the searing burn of the question, " Did my wish do this? Was it my wish...?

It feels scratchy and unused... My voice which i don't voice often enough. A part that i smothered of my own free will... Smothered into silence. Silence that I use as a shield, more for others than for my own self. Silence as my hideout where i hide my pain and my confusion. And there is so much of me that is lost in the unsaid.

It's not that I have nothing better to tell you about myself. It's just that i realize the intensity of words and the power of wounds. What i may utter without  second thought might be something that you carry in your heart forever and so I keep my silence. But, how is that any better because i am still lying and lies also cause hurt.

Also, it's not just my blues that i camouflage but the whole other side to me as well. They call me a Punjabi sometimes and I admit to being loud and brash. And even that gets silenced in me. I can come up with perfectly timed poor jokes at a moments notice. And yet, there are many a times when I'd bite my tongue on a smart alec comeback or an outright rude commment. Perfectly good jokes and winning arguements wasted.

So here i am putting an effort to introduce or rather, reintroduce myself to all. I have a lot to say and a lot share. I am not the smartest person you'd come across but I still think that what I say holds some worth. And actually, am tired of silences so I demand my say now. Phew! What a relief that finally I Said It!!!

ILLUSIONS

I think of reality

As an Illusion.

It's just that illusions shatter

At the end of the day

It's staying alive that matters

Yes, you can push me around

And you can have your fun

But have you any idea

The strength it takes me

Not to push you back harder

Or what courage goes into

Not running from you farther

The truths that you tell me

And the lies I hear

They come to you so easily

So ordinary yet out of the blue

You think that i don't know

That you take me for a fool

And I feel disgusted at myself

Everytime i prove you true

So it's just as well

That my world is an illusion

'Cus the realities you spin

Play havoc with my emotions

It's just as well

That i know Truth's a lie

Because my numb life has turned

Into a screaming question -

"WHY"???